Where Is Hawkins?Where travel is cheaper than psychotherapy.

So it’s less than 24 hours to go before I’m on a major trip, which means I’m super anxious and bouncing up and down. Packing is more or less complete, except for that stupid one carry-on crap that transiting through the UK makes you do.

Now there’s a damn snowstorm approaching, which is driving me nuts. I’m on a clock when I land in London and counting on things to be ontime. I’m seriously hoping I can get to Dubai, get 4 hours of serious sleep and be out the door the next morning to Khasab, Oman. As of now, my flight’s not cancelled, but I’m hoping that the weather won’t be as bad as it’s promised and that I’m on a big enough plane that will get me out on time. If not, I’ll be having a party at the Westin O’Hare tomorrow night.

If you want a postcard from Dubai, drop me a line with your info and I will send one out ok?

If you follow sports in Chicago, there are a few undeniable truths:

• A Blackhawks game on TV is as rare as a Cubs’ winning season.
• We still love the Bulls, despite their shortcomings.
• Jay Mariotti is the worst damn sports columnist ever.

I’m pretty sure that every Chicago sports fan at one point has said “I hate that fucker Jay Mariotti.” For serious. For years he’s appointed himself as the Edward R. Murrow of sports journalism and churned out columns that your average 12 year old could write better. And now he’s an insufferable prick who’s on a show with other insufferable pricks on ESPN.

There’s an internet petition to get this man fired. Of course, it’s the Sun-Times, so they won’t pay attention unless you can help reverse their circulation numbers or make up for the fact that Conrad Black robbed that company blind. And like any idiotic organization, they keep him on the payroll.

There are two blogs dedicated to uniting Chicago fans through their hated of this jackass. The original site is Jay The Joke, which popped up after Guillen’s tirade. There’s also Fire The Fucktard, a column that systematically rips apart every single of his columns.

Add both of those sites to your RSS reader or your daily reading. You’ll thank me for it.

The best part about having insomnia is that you tend to catch up on a lot of your crap television. For example, CourtTV has replaced The History Channel as my favorite station when I can’t sleep. Seriously, what happens is that around 1am I’ll lie down on my couch that puts most people to sleep and watch CourtTV hoping that I’ll get some sleep. But then BAMN there’s a 2 hour marathon of COPS. COPS never gets tiring, between the white trash and car crashes it makes compelling television.

What’s cool is that I’m able to call Dubai to get things arranged from my trip, so it’s nice, but makes me feel like crap at work. It’s weird – I’ll drag ass through work and come 6pm or so, I’m wide awake without the help of caffiene.

I had beers last week with my friend Justin who’s a Navy recruiter. He’s got a few months left in the boat club, so he’s up at Great Lakes doing training on careers in civilian life. It was just funny to hear the stories. He’s kinda apprehensive about the civilian world, and I can’t say I blame him. But he’s smarter than most and will do a good job.

Oh, and I think I forgot to post my photos from Dublin. My bad.

So I’m off to Dubai in two weeks, which is keeping me pretty stoked. One of the landmarks of Dubai is the very expensive and very posh hotel, the Burj Al Arab.

It’s built on an artificial island and the one bedroom suites (the smallest accommodation available at 1819 sq ft) is over $1000 per night. Needless to say, you’re a high roller if you’re staying here.

But alas, I’m a working man.

One of my coworkers was there a few weeks ago on the same kickass fare I got and went to the Al Mahara seafood restaurant. I figure that any restaurant that makes you go through a “three minute simulated submarine voyage” to get there should just be truly insane.

Apparently their 5 course menu is around Dhs800 ($217.80). Now, I’ve never spent that much on a meal before. I’m still at the stage where I’m staring down the barrel of turning 30 and eating Chef Boyardee. But whatever – it’ll still be a great time and I figure I might as well go out on a limb and enjoy myself.

The Burj has the Skyview Bar, which is 650 feet up and cantilevered out. They have a “mixologist”, who will create a custom drink for you based on your taste. That does sound awesome. However, looking at the prices for a drink – you’re looking at Dhs80 to Dhs150 per drink ($21.78-$40.84). Generally for that price, there’d better be a bucket-like concoction where you can walk out of there with a stumble and a smile. If there was a two drink minimum, I’d probably cry at the amount of damage my wallet will take. I sure hope that there’s just a beer and I can stick with that.

Oh, I forgot. The Burj, for an extra fee, will pick you up for your hotel in a Rolls Royce and bring you back at the end of the night. Since I’m by myself, I can’t swallow Dhs800 for a ride in a Rolls Royce Silver Seraph let alone the Dhs2000 ($544.50) for a Rolls Royce Phantom.

So much for my holiday bonus…

I just got back from seeing a sneak preview of Casino Royale, and it was quite awesome. Bond did kick a lot of ass, and was harder and more edgier that I was thinking it would be. It’s definitely worth seeing. Daniel Craig did a good job and started out as a mean guy who beat ass and then finished as a guy who beat ass.

Oh – Dubai. Wow, I can’t believe in 16 days I am off to the desert to go and goof off. I just have this impression that I’m going to be hemmoraging money from the moment I land and that my trip to Pizza Hut (oh, you know I have to go) will cost like $100. Nothing is planned, so I’m going to be spending my first day planning out the rest of it.

I’ve been invited to New York in mid December to meet someone sort of famous at a black-tie event by someone I met in Africa. The only problem is that it would be on a Tuesday night and I’d have to spend a hell of a lot of cash for hotel rooms in NYC (jesus, can hotels be more expensive?) and miss days of work. I’m not sure why. It sounds cool, but damn, $350+ a night for a good hotel room? A simple trip to NYC will end up costing a lot more than I had planned on.

So I did a quick mile run to ensure that I renewed Exec Platinum on AA this year – Chicago to Kansas City and back with a 2 hour stay in the lovely airport. On my flight back, there was a woman who was trying to bring a damn microwave on board. Yes, a microwave. The flight attendants were like “WTF?” because seriously, who brings them on board?

Now, I’ve done a few dumbass things and brought questionable things onboard but I’ve never thought to bring a microwave onboard. Well, actually I have, because sometimes popcorn on a flight sounds just dandy. I’ve also thought about bringing a blender onboard so I can make margaritas for the passengers. And I have thought about bringing on my George Foreman so I can grill a steak. But I’ve never done that because I subscribe to the rule that if it makes me giggle for more than 5 seconds, I probably should never do it.

For future reference – Microwaves do not fit in the overhead bin, so you will need to gate check your microwave.

I’m at home sick with the flu so I’ll just write about the first whirlwind day in Dublin.

After landing, I dragged my friend Eihab through the airport in Dublin and into the bus downtown. We stayed right across the street from Heuston Station, so after dropping our stuff of, we took a walk to the Guinness Storehouse.

The Guinness Storehouse is like any beer factory tour, leading you through a history of Guinness and showing you how much work goes into producing that yummy goodness you want to drink. It’s a shrine to the best beer in the world. And for €14, you get a complimentary pint at the bar at the top. Needless to say, it’s the best damn pint you’ll have in your life (locals will tell you that the quality of the Guinness improves the closer you get to St. James’s Gate.)

After the Guinness Storehouse, we made a short walk over to Christ Church Cathedral. I must admit, at times I’m burnt out from seeing so many churches and cathedrals around the globe. However, the Christ Church Cathedral has its origins from back in the 12th century. You have to like that. The crypt underneath was quite interesting. The random walk led us down Grafton Street to St. Stephen’s Green. I did get to see the sculpture dedicated to the Irish Potato Famine victims, which bothered me because sometimes I don’t get scupltures.

The walk back towards the hotel (ok, the LUAS station) led us back through the infamous Temple Bar district. During the day it’s nice, but during the evening, it’s insanely packed and filled with a decent amount of douchebags.

And then we had dinner and crashed. We did make it out for Pizza Hut, which should make Micky Pant from Yum! happy that an idiot like me is essentially making a fool out of himself by eating PH wherever he goes.

I’m back to bed and I will upload my photos and write more later…

I just got back tonight from Dublin, Ireland. I had a great time and got to see more of the city than I really planned.

I did manage to forget something important when packing. I forgot to pack pants. No kidding. They were waiting for me on my bed where I was packing before I left for the airport. I did wear my quick-wash pants and those got a nightly washing. Still, it was rather embarrassing.

LUAS is pretty cool to get around town on. We stayed near Heuston Station, and that was either a nice 25-30 minute walk from Temple Bar or Trinity College/Grafton Street. Since my knee was acting up, it was a nice thing to take around.

I also managed to eat Pizza Hut in my 13th country outside the US (and Wagamama in my 4th).

I’ll write more about what I did later with the trip and post pictures – but I figured that forgetting pants warrants a blog post.