So I’m 16 days post-op from having having my appendix removed, and I’m still somewhat irritable. I’m not used to being sore after this long, and it’s been irritating. I feel like a grumpy jerk and have been sleeping a lot, which is rather nice.
Of course, I blame myself for this. Had my appendix out on a Tuesday night, was bored as hell but still in pain by Thursday and was ready to go back to work. My boss was nice enough to let me work from home on Friday, which meant “eat pain killers and drink fountain coke with my laptop while wearing sweatpants.” I was back in the office by Monday (5 days post), which felt good to get out of the house but I was a miserable wreck.
A few things:
1. According to my surgeon, my appendix was ready to blow, so it’s a good thing I didn’t ignore it otherwise it could have been really bad. I had a nice and kinda cute surgical resident, who, obviously, embraced all the Type-A qualities you want in a surgeon. They’re the last autocrats in society, and like Generals, you let them lead the way.
2. I’m a big guy, and already have a high tolerance for pain meds, so giving me 20 Norco was kind of a disappointment.
3. My mom grounded me for returning to work early and told me that I should feel guilty for giving her gray hair because I made her worry. I’m in my 30s, and I still get grounded.
4. Someone forgot to tell me that during the laparoscopic surgery that they inflate the abdomen to get the tools room to work. There’s nothing more demoralizing when the pants you wore when being admitted don’t fit on the way out. So for a few days, I dressed like The Dude, bathrobe and all. I kinda liked it. Plus it led to farting and let’s face it, farting is funny.
5. You don’t realize how much you use your stomach muscles for everything until you’ve had something done and have to gimp around.
6. I wasn’t told that I’d have a cool dent in my abdomen where I had an incision. They could have at least installed a zipper or something so I could use it as a coin purse or something.
7. Facebooking the entire ordeal was funny. It was fun to see all the insults come along, disguising the sincerity. Apparently I asked for my Blackberry in the recovery room because, you know, it’s not like I could do anything *truly* bad while under the influence of anesthetic.
8. Speaking of which, the anesthesiologist said I reminded him of Patton Oswalt. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.
9. “While you’re in there, can you throw in an abdominoplasty?” doesn’t help.
10. Oh, I have an interesting story involving a cute girl, me sending flowers because I had to have emergency surgery and thus, had to cancel my date with her – and then being given the boot 10 days later.
11. And I’m so very glad I wasn’t somewhere else besides home when this happened. Mom and Jackie K, my city wife/future MD, showed up and provided comedic relief. It could have been a lot messier if this happened elsewhere.
Two weeks from today, I’ll be in Rio, and hopefully I’ll leave my pain in Chicago. It felt good to get the tourist visa today and that hey, I’m going to Brazil. Finally, some light.